There is a proper order to follow when enumerating the qualities of an object or person. Opinion, size, physical quality, shape, age, colour, origin, material, type and purpose. A panettone is a vile, sizeable, bread-like, round, aged, beige, Milanese cake traditionally consumed for Christmas. I am a slightly overly passionate, not-so-tall, disabled, young, coloured, French queer woman studying science (the fleshy sort; you would not catch me trying to elucidate mathematical riddles).
Opinion first, physical quality in third position and colour only comes sixth in the Cambridge Dictionary. I always found this to be a funny example of the margin between grammar and sociology.
I cannot even recall exactly when I started recognising myself in others’ eyes as a part-time symbolic or conceptual representation of my ethnicity rather than a singular child. It might have been the surprise that I could glide over a Chopin waltz, the disbelief that I had a favourite opera. Or maybe it was the expectation that I would use an urban vernacular. It could also have been the presumption I would bear athletic talent (that clashes somewhat with my mobility aid). It was the spit that flew from the lips of old men to my shoulders. Colour did not often come second to anything, let alone sixth. Later, I would also less than delighted to remark that I could also add disability, gender and sexual orientation to the facets of myself that each stirred challenge.
It is very difficult to describe the prism through which I experience my life as a walking (limping) diversity quota checklist. My existence, in truth, is slightly niche. And because of its peculiarity and rarity, it is often one that does not find an echo in my peers (yet, I have often found strangers feel very confident in the divination of my capabilities). The best way I could lay it down is to state that I am living in a context that is not exactly tailored towards me. As a slightly greener youth, my solution to defeating the injustice I found in that situation was not only to thrive, but entirely overachieve in every category I could. To be uncontested would be my act of defiance, the glowing proof that I was boundless. It was sound logic, if I removed my previous “context that is not exactly tailored towards me”. Years of trying to prove my merit beyond my ethnicity, beyond my illness, beyond gender came crashing on me, and it was not the best of times. It was just the worst of times. I would love to say it was a life altering lesson, that I came out stronger and wiser, but then I am also not convinced it was worth it; it only set me on a long, unfinished journey of ye olde acceptance™ that is both uncomfortable and often filled with setbacks. It could have been avoided.
In my view, it boils down to bringing a greater wealth of narratives for minorities that teaches both them and society that there are a variety of possibilities surrounding everyone. Normalising diversity in every space allows people to exist as individuals, rather than malleable blob-receptacles of the stereotypes and bias that exist in all of us. Institutions of education are the microcosms where one can begin to reverse the clichés that pollute the collective subconscious. Which is why this project was a great opportunity for me. To try.
Anyways, here I am still, overly passionate, not-so-tall, disabled, young, coloured, French queer woman succeeding in a STEM degree. I am terrible at anything vaguely mathematical; I cannot play any sport to save my life; I am anxious and often distracted which makes for a poor cocktail. I also speak six languages, I can sketch a decent portrait of your likeness, play you a piano étude, give you a long speech on Spinoza’s view of Substance, and rant circles around you with a detailed account of Genghis Khan’s conquest out of the Steppes.
So while I am a strong advocate for the right to exist as a unit, the right not to be exceptional to merely be considered, the right to forge ahead for oneself rather than to lead by example to refute putrid festering preconceived notions, I urge you, whoever you might be, to bring your narrative forward. Let others like you know that they have the world at their feet to trial and explore, fail and triumph in, as it slowly changes to include a greater legroom for the historically downtrodden.
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